Der Witze Thread!
Rayredditch:
Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!!
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back and said: 'Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!'
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks: 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies: 'I don't know! It's your plane!!'
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy, 'I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!' He climbed up the rafters, hung upside down and shouts: 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts: 'Paddy you're mad, go home'. So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. 'I can't work in the dark!' says Murphy.
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresse
s and lies on the bed spread - eagled and says 'You know what I want don't you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole flippin’ bed by the looks of it!'
Paddy the electrician got sacked from the US prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' and storms off. He comes back upstairs five minutes later and his wife asks, 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies, 'I've put the dog in our garden, let's see how they like it!'
Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn't even know they had mobile phones!'
Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says 'Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'What's his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London!'
Q: What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?
A: Black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your bottom if you get a dodgy one
Rayredditch:
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zenzi1:
wist ihr wie mann affen fängt
ganz einfach man wirft ein netz über einen hochsitz
mfg.zenzi
Sherlok:
Als Hitzfeld in den Himmel kommt, sagt Gott
zu ihm: "Hallo, Herr Hitzfeld, schön
Sie
zu sehen!"
In Anbetracht Ihrer großen Verdienste um den
FC Bayern kriegen Sie hier Ihr eigenes
Häuschen und, glauben Sie mir, das kriegt
hier nicht jeder!" Gott nimmt Hitzfeld
an die Hand und führt ihn vor einen kleinen
Flachdachbungalow auf einer kleinen Wolke.
Die Fußmatte an der Tür ist mit dem
Bayern-Logo versehen und eine kleine
FC-Bayern-Fahne weht im Vorgärtchen.
Hitzfeld
denkt sich: "Ja, ganz nett", dreht
sich um... und traut seinen Augen nicht.
Auf der nächsten Wolke, hoch über ihm steht
ein italienischer Palazzo, komplett mit
Balustrade und sechs dorischen Säulen. Der
Palazzo ist rot gestrichen und über und über
mit eintracht frankfurt, -Graffiti, -Fahnen
und
Transparenten übersät, große SGE-Wappen aus
Marmor zieren den Garten. Aus rießigen
Lautsprechern dröhnt Schwarz weis wie schnee
das ist die SGE. In
SGE-Trikots gewandetes Hauspersonal erfüllt
alle Wünsche.
Hitzfeld wendet sich an Gott und sagt,
schwer
brüskiert:
"Was ist das denn? Wieso kriegt der
Funkel so einen Palast da hingestellt? Der
hat
doch noch gar nix geleistet, der Mann! Warum
zum Teufel lebt der hier in so nem
Haus?"
Gott dreht sich um und schaut Hitzfeld tief
in die Augen:
"Mein Sohn, das ist nicht Funkels Haus,
da wohne ich
MFG Sherlok [winken]
atze:
nach der untersuchung sagt der arzt :sie dürfen nicht mehr rauchen , keinen alc mehr und frauen auch nicht mehr
fragt der patient :wiso? leb ich dann länger?
sagt der arzt: nein länger nicht aber es wird ihnen so vorkommen :-[
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